What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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