it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
