How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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