I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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