so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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