worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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