Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
