I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
