I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
