I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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