I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
