my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
