She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
