He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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