weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
