Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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