I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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