they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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