we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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