4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
