Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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