wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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