he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
