hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
