I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
