I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
