Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
