The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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