He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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