Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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