why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
