I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
