I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
