An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
