Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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