im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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