dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
