Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
