its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
