They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
