I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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