I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
