Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
