I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My ass is underappreciated
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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