Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
