Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
