it was like his penis was on wheels.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
