pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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