i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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