whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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