Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
