Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
