She's JV to your varsity
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
