I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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