Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
