Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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