....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
