party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
