I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
